Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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