Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros