FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.