so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
