I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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