so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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