u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
