Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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