something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
