First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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