literally had 100 drinks last night.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
