sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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