Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
