do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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