how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I currently don't understand fingers.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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