And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
