so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
