so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
