the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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