you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
