She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
