Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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