saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
