separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
