You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
