Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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