I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
