she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
