Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
