my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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