just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
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You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
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He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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