I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
