Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
