I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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