you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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