I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
