So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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