How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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