just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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