She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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