so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
