How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
