so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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