i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
