he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
