how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
