He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
