Pappa wants mamma naked
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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