We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
