He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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