I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize