If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
