Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
