I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
