my room smells like sperm. sweet.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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