yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
