I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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