I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
