I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
