We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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