Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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