My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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