My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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