What a fucking waste of an outfit
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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