I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
