she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
