no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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