Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Damn victory sex feels great
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