yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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