addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Be still, my beating vagina.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
