You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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