She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
